Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Sandy Days 4/14/12

Sandy...
is that girl,
Right?
The one who doesn't exist.
Or so you thought.
Suddenly I understand,
it was before her..
That this pain brought transformation in your faith.

Well that girl
she isn't real
and belongs to an unseen world.
It just doesn't fit
her face
at least not with an S.

Is it?
M
m
I
Right?

Oh...
Sandy...
as in the adjective?
AND
Describing a time past.
Recent, yes
but
Y?
never to be repeated.

sand..
Y,
is it
between blistering toes
beneath wild tangled hair
and
is it coming out my EARS!?
I watch it swallow our feet whole.
Now...and again
actually four times
too many
there it is stuck in sleepy eyes
your eyes
awakened
Me

M
I
awake?

I
M
that's what he said
I AM..

its me
With your tears upon my cheek.
Did you face him again this night?
The maker of the Sand.
When you realized the nightmare was over.
And the pain began to subside
Did you identify the sandman who plagues our dreams?
Or was it just you
and yourself
you were in battle against?

Shut eyes.
seeing it now...
Blind?
or in the dark.
Just in time.
The shelter was built.
Shaken from a storm.
Rain pouring down.
A glimpse of peace that first night
Before it all began

again...A
g
a
i
n...

It is you beside me
sleeping then awake
turning and tossing
as his comfort oozes from
you.
Inside you.
But not from your breath
or your constant slow heart beat.

It is something deeper
than the sand swallowing our feet
something
the blind man
can see
and it is
or was
sand in my eyes
wasn't it?

Another dream

No it's that commercial
of someone else's life
that passes in a moment
was forgotten until then
but
oddly visits me now
in
this quiet reflection

from yesterday..

Oh the Majestic
waves
SHOUT
I AM...
and the warm sun
in the perfect green day
it carried us
and
the cold away

Whispy wind
whipped in
untagling her curls
Or
M
I
ne
Were you there?
With the spirit
guided by
our Wonderful wind
Blowing away
the attempts
from the sandman again.

Awake now
We begin
But today already
grows dim.
Sandy days are gone...
But oneness grows at a pace no human could comprehend.

Mandy Mae

Monday, April 9, 2012

Br 135

Vivid Pictures of You Haunt my MIND 11/16/11

Its the familiar enchanted chase
that I race
like a
bounding deer
white tail
flashing danger as it goes.
These instincts are not my own.
Yet recognizable?
A distant howl
pushes beyond
what a mind can
understand.

The darkness closes around me
bringing the sounds
I've never heard
but echoing
memories
that remain
purposefully forgotten.

Loud whispers
ring clearly in my ears.
Why does my heart race again?
competing
with this mind
that never rests.

Pounding heart, beating into the ground
I encounter
the familiar blistering pain
strange it is
that I enjoy
it being more than skin deep.

I embrace the expected chill
that goes beyond my breath
to the depths of my bones.
When will it stop and
why must it exist?

Yet..
just now that
fleeting thought
wishing
it would never end.

What is this driving force that
that makes it feel so right?
creating insanity
within this
broken utopia
of solitude.

What am I enduring and creating
in this time,
wasted?
how long will it last?
Let it never end.

Animalistic, peace it is I suppose.
At what cost?
To whom do I toil 
for these meaningless
tests I face?
This race is beyond my control.

Alone in the woods
frantic glances from behind
hunted
by what?
And reminisce of
something
unexplained.

This gasping brings no exchange of air.
The never ending distance can not shorten the race
or fill its unintended space.
Why must it still be incomplete
despite the completeness it brings?

Lack of water
how then can I be drowning
deeper and deeper
I feel myself sink
with some foreign weight upon my back
my neck
Body broken
bent in half
I begin to cower
a predator
is closing in
This must be Fear?

An enchanting chase
Abandoned
I embrace
running from
what
to where
and from whom
I do not know.

So I leave it all
to create a brokenness
that was never intended
from the only
thing I am
assured of
that eventually
there will be an end.

Mandy Rizk

Fullness begins in the Reflections of a Moon

Footsteps - not in sync
   just yet
Stillness exists except
   the sight of you - just ahead
Purposefully out of reach
Unaware - that an
   interrupting silence
Summons this rythm
We cannot break nor perfect
But somehow continue to create.

Despite distance, vast space
   two beating hearts
are converging into one
Aligned tress, troden trails
natures silhoutte displays
something unspoken from the wind
Just a breeze - as if a
   whisper suggests
A simple majestic disparity between
   your pain and my peace

So this beckoning mind
   searches and seeks a
Warmth unavailable amoung
   the unending rows of evergreens
and rocky dead ended paths.
Tis the sun in this stillness
   that gives ease and rest
with no where to go
A want for nothing seen
Birds cry for the beginning
   and the end
to THAT which never fails and
   always bring Joy
A heart takes wait and sees
   the unseen - knowing this
sun may set too soon.
But darkenss will never
   overcome from within
Not in a place such a this.

Dig DEEP, Deeper than your
Blistering Skin or Broken Bones
FIND it, THAT!
That which
won't ever unbreak your heart.
AND Know it
Recognize it even in complete Blackness
   without the fullness of the moon
on a night such as this
Shut your eyes - see it right in front of you.

YES! There is is...
Yes...LOVE
YOUR LOVE,
touch it
taste it
know it
for it may last but a sun rise
remember this place - and listen as it
asks without speaking

What my love, do you run from?
Where shall you go that does not haunt?
What place do you chase within an empty heart?
Do you see that your feet, body, and mind, mimick my own broken life?
Can any of this be mended, replicated, or replaced?

What drives you in such a race?
And for what, to where, and for whom?
At what point does this present pain and broken body become enough?
Is it ever enough?
Should it be?

He is calling you Levi, when shall you listen?
What will be your answer?

For it is not for me to know
   or understand
My light has a different reflection
Distinctness
   amoung the living even
   to those with no rest
It will not be long now
Before the darkness
   comes upon us and a chill
Expected
But to to such anticipation
No anxiety could describe
Like screaming children
   lost in an endless night
your flesh will burn the death away.

I see it now - seeping in
creaping sliently within
   the spaces unattended to
   left undone
Purposefully
   unmade. Alone Before
Sunset. Guarded together
it must be embraced. Without
   explaination it's Beauty
Will shine through
Waiting - my skin
waits for warmth
But will not Win Nor Be
Freed. Will We? When
  my love, when?

Take me into the Night
   with strength coming
from somewhere else and
When we cannot go on together
When you feel you must stop - Just
   start again
Breathe yourself into the morning
   that begins
the promised ending
of a new beginning
from what
he has begun in you.

written by the love of my life, Mandy Rizk
12/10/12 Our first Race together..Reflections from Bartram